Finally; winter has spread its arms around Delhi, I can feel it early in the mornings’ when I try to foolishly convince myself to get up from the warmth of blanket; making false promises to myself that 5 min more, 1 more minute and things like that, but unable to.
And what else; nothing worth is happening, days are passing just like that and with age I am becoming more fearful, nervous about everything. Hope has vanished just like fart in the air, as they say. No curiosity, no energy left; what’s gonna happen next, I have no clue. The big ‘suicide ride plan’ is dusting somewhere in the corner; no matter how eagerly I am looking forward to it, it’s not making any sense, infact my own act, my own self is not making any sense. I just look at the skin and structure of my own hands and wonder what this is! The trembling hasn’t stopped, has increased instead. Fuck!
Yesterday we lost the cricket match. And tomorrow’s appointment at Shroff eye center for LASIK gonna make a big hole in my pocket. The finance for the dusting plan is in trouble. Two exams are coming up too, if I didn’t clear any of those life’s gonna go hell and will have to revive the dusting plan, if not.
And, I was a coward and still am, to letting you go. I can’t stop thinking about you, not even for a second.