Never trust an unknown fellow’ this is what I used to heard from elders but I always thought otherwise. If you trust somebody, you are actually giving that fellow a responsibility. In a desperate times when you share you innate desire to someone unknown and what if that someone don’t respect you and what if you in a desperate times share things; who is the culprit? You yourself and the fellow you are sharing things to?
I share things when my gut feeling says it’s worth trusting. And none of the time I was right. I was so desperately fucked up that I shared priceless private moments. The guilt of it is now so heavy on me that first time in life I googled ‘how to kill myself without pain’ and I have been thinking about it all the time. Don’t know what desperate moment will come so heavily in my head that there will be no thinking I am going to let it go.
There is no medium left to convey this to either party but I am aware of it, it’s time to pay for it, killing myself will be injustice to all the wrongs I have done. I deserve slow and painful death.
Thanks to the fellow for blindly pouring my heart out by trusting you and thanks for giving me strength to continue what I’m doing to myself. Not only me, my roots will also pay for it. It’s been a month of total isolation and will go on. Thanks for the encouragement, my wish is with you just like your fake boyfriend met his fate, I am sure you been the cause, you will not have a clean death too.