Post Diwali Thoughts.

Though I didn’t see remains of crackers outside the big black gate, I’m hoping you had a good Diwali yesterday. And yea, I expected some messages from you but there was nothing. Anyways I’m not blaming you for that; this is what I chose, no matter how much I curse myself for that, I cannot change the things the way they are now. I don’t even know if you got my gift. So helpless, all I can do is pray for you and curse the fake boyfriend soul. And I know none of these will have any impact on either life, that’s for me that one day I will have my dues.

After yesterdays Diwali post, I went through some interesting blogs some citing how Diwali celebration has changed, some saying if we should celebrate it at all and mostly were wish blogs.

One blog got my attention; the way we celebrate it today. I still remember my childhood days when we used to clean and paint our houses with clay called Kamet, and then grind some rice to make rangoli. Before making rangoli we used to mark tilak to our cows, buffalos and all pets; there was a procedure for that, first do pooja, take a steel glass, and dip the rim of that glass on wet grinded rice put that on forehead of all the pets. The circle was a mark of purity. Rangoli art called ‘Aipan’, a traditional way of designing every doorstep, nobody knows that today. It used to be like that, gifting and exchanging sweets n all, cleaning decorating organizing a small market called Mela.

There was another entry saying there is nothing called Diwali. All are myths and creation of Brahmin mind; to keep their superiority in caste system. All that Ramayan, Mahabharat, Ved, Puran are just made up stories to keep the superiority intact. Pushyamitra Sung, the king of Sung Empire was used as a weapon and Buddhism was dusted by cruel activities.

So there are so many stories, myths but as I said in my previous post- we need a reason to do something. Whatever the tradition is behind these celebrations does anyone cares? I don’t think so. Instead of traditional Dia n flowers, we buy Chinese electric garland, market has flooded with Chinese crackers. China has given us so much in recent years like no one has. They have cheap alternative of everything and we love to buy it.

Bottom line is: change is irresistible and is bound to happen. What we need is a pure heart, care for humankind respect for each other.

I think I should stop biking to office. The more I cycle, more I think about everything. Well, I should go back to work now, plenty of SLA to achieve, so many activities to cover. Till then – keep fucking everyone’s life and you fake boyfriend bastard, I know you must be having great fucking sessions but remember your life will be hell.

Diwali it is..

Happy Diwali everyone.

On this day of lightning, fire crackers, celebrations, gifting sweets cloths and putting on best attire of our wardrobes, this day definitely brings something to every one’s life. No matter what the cause is; may be for someone Lord Ram came home after a long exile fighting the evil, bringing peace to the masses or may be for someone Pandavas came home after 12 years of exile or may be some Goddess appeared from the ocean during the Sagar Manthan who on this day went on merrying some Lord Shiva etc etc.. As many myths/believes/reasons to celebrate the day for so many religious communities we have around us. But one thing is common; atleast for a day everybody cleans the surroundings’ lights up every corner of living place distribute sweets amongst the loved ones and more importantly a feeling of love inside every heart pops up on this day.

So, whatever your believes are celebrate this day, open up your arms for a hug and say I love you! May be gift something to your loved ones. Remember; we need reasons to do something and this day gives us the opportunity.

-With Love

In Love with Meg Ryan!

‘…but there is dream of someone’ the dialogue and her eyes! Each time I see the movie, I fall in love with this lady. Yes, I have watched the movie ‘You’ve Got Mail’ over 3 digits time by now and haven’t got bored yet. The plot, the chemistry and this lovely lady, there are so many scenes worth a tone; well I would say the entire movie is eye catching.

I haven’t seen much of her work apart of this movie and last night made me think of putting it on words, the chemistry is superb. The movie made me think again that being good always give you good returns.

The previous post of trust failure was come long back from this post here. What started there didn’t even last 6 months. I cannot blame the fake boyfriend soul entirely, no matter how much I curse, pray bad things, (and I am sure you will not have a peaceful life, the way you made me miserable and lost) fault is somewhere mine too. I was not cautious but then how could I? I was in agony; the bloody hit the right spot and bubble inside me busted like anything.

But no more; the isolation continues, I am hungry all the time, angry all the time, they say weeping heart is a curse but I have no control over it. It will heal with your misery. I am well aware of your conversations and you must be planning to stick his dick in your ass, as you dreamed before, you know.

Anyways coming back, the movie made me order a pair of headsets for myself; and a special gift basket with red roses for my love (lost one?) with XOXO gift voucher my company gifted me a long back. Hope you like it, it’s a surprise, no name, coming your way at your doorstep!!

Should not Trust any Unknown

Never trust an unknown fellow’ this is what I used to heard from elders but I always thought otherwise. If you trust somebody, you are actually giving that fellow a responsibility. In a desperate times when you share you innate desire to someone unknown and what if that someone don’t respect you and what if you in a desperate times share things; who is the culprit? You yourself and the fellow you are sharing things to?

I share things when my gut feeling says it’s worth trusting. And none of the time I was right. I was so desperately fucked up that I shared priceless private moments. The guilt of it is now so heavy on me that first time in life I googled ‘how to kill myself without pain’ and I have been thinking about it all the time. Don’t know what desperate moment will come so heavily in my head that there will be no thinking I am going to let it go.

There is no medium left to convey this to either party but I am aware of it, it’s time to pay for it, killing myself will be injustice to all the wrongs I have done. I deserve slow and painful death.

Thanks to the fellow for blindly pouring my heart out by trusting you and thanks for giving me strength to continue what I’m doing to myself. Not only me, my roots will also pay for it. It’s been a month of total isolation and will go on. Thanks for the encouragement, my wish is with you just like your fake boyfriend met his fate, I am sure you been the cause, you will not have a clean death too.

Many Happy Returns!

It’s your day and it’s your birthday!!! Couldn’t wish you personally or over the call, however I believe you have my text and more importantly my heart sings birthday song for you.

You were the first human soul coming so close to me, even after 8 years of first meeting; the memory is so fresh that I see you holding the cup of tea and making face and at the same time worried about your existence at that place.

Although we are not in talking terms, in fact haven’t converse for last a year and an half. But I know the strength inside you, no matter what; you will make your way. Once again accept my apologies and heartily wishes on this day; May Almighty fill your life you joy pride and happiness. Happy Birthday my friend!! Stay Blessed.

CRPF Half Marathon 2014

Sunday, 12th Oct is the race day, starting JLN stadium – circling india gate – return from jantar mantar.
Just collected the goodie bag kit and bib number is going to be 116.
Well! with no preparation at all this time its going to be another painful day.

It was a mess at the kit distribution. It was supposed to open at 0930 but due to some technical issues ‘as per the announcement there’ distribution started around 1130 for half marathon category. CRPF was blaming BookMyShow agents and vice versa for the problem.

Those who are looking for directions – get down at JLN stadium gate no 4 > go straight > take left at the gate to CRPF ground and you will see some tents with serial numbers. First you have to get into a queue for your bib number, note down that bib number & serial number. That serial number is the tent you have to get lined for the goodie bag (running bib & chip, t-shirt (XL) and a cap).

Happy Running!!!

EDIT:- Completed the race. timing 024500 hrs.