October 20, 2014
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Never trust an unknown fellow’ this is what I used to heard from elders but I always thought otherwise. If you trust somebody, you are actually giving that fellow a responsibility. In a desperate times when you share you innate desire to someone unknown and what if that someone don’t respect you and what if you in a desperate times share things; who is the culprit? You yourself and the fellow you are sharing things to?
I share things when my gut feeling says it’s worth trusting. And none of the time I was right. I was so desperately fucked up that I shared priceless private moments. The guilt of it is now so heavy on me that first time in life I googled ‘how to kill myself without pain’ and I have been thinking about it all the time. Don’t know what desperate moment will come so heavily in my head that there will be no thinking I am going to let it go.
There is no medium left to convey this to either party but I am aware of it, it’s time to pay for it, killing myself will be injustice to all the wrongs I have done. I deserve slow and painful death.
Thanks to the fellow for blindly pouring my heart out by trusting you and thanks for giving me strength to continue what I’m doing to myself. Not only me, my roots will also pay for it. It’s been a month of total isolation and will go on. Thanks for the encouragement, my wish is with you just like your fake boyfriend met his fate, I am sure you been the cause, you will not have a clean death too.
October 17, 2014
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It’s your day and it’s your birthday!!! Couldn’t wish you personally or over the call, however I believe you have my text and more importantly my heart sings birthday song for you.
You were the first human soul coming so close to me, even after 8 years of first meeting; the memory is so fresh that I see you holding the cup of tea and making face and at the same time worried about your existence at that place.
Although we are not in talking terms, in fact haven’t converse for last a year and an half. But I know the strength inside you, no matter what; you will make your way. Once again accept my apologies and heartily wishes on this day; May Almighty fill your life you joy pride and happiness. Happy Birthday my friend!! Stay Blessed.
October 8, 2014
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Sunday, 12th Oct is the race day, starting JLN stadium – circling india gate – return from jantar mantar.
Just collected the goodie bag kit and bib number is going to be 116.
Well! with no preparation at all this time its going to be another painful day.
It was a mess at the kit distribution. It was supposed to open at 0930 but due to some technical issues ‘as per the announcement there’ distribution started around 1130 for half marathon category. CRPF was blaming BookMyShow agents and vice versa for the problem.
Those who are looking for directions – get down at JLN stadium gate no 4 > go straight > take left at the gate to CRPF ground and you will see some tents with serial numbers. First you have to get into a queue for your bib number, note down that bib number & serial number. That serial number is the tent you have to get lined for the goodie bag (running bib & chip, t-shirt (XL) and a cap).
EDIT:- Completed the race. timing 024500 hrs.
September 11, 2014
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It’s raining outside, heavily and am thinking how to go outside to have my lunch. And I see a crowd has gathered near the entrance porch area, enjoying cool breeze from fresh rain, smoking cigarettes. It’s like that’s the way to do it, not like I do fucking go crazy soaking completely in rain.
Anyways, so I had to do it and I did it finally. No Facebook from now! I pasted couple of things here that I posted on my timeline before deleting.
What else? Yes, I have finished the book “Gone Girl” kept me glued and suspense ended with the book, pretty nice plot and narration. Now I have again picked up (it was half finished) the “City of Djjins” about the past of Delhi. Will-Yums (William) exploitation of dark corners of old Delhi ruins.
And the first draft of route is ready. Work is in progress on day to day stuff like elevation gains, expenses etc. Hope I can keep up on things this time.
September 8, 2014
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When I close mine I see your big eyes
I shut myself where the darkness lies
I see you brighter closure than ever
Melody in my veins n my heart flies
Knock and a strange soul at the door
Witty fool flirts me on the floor
Prying! hoping to fill my empty core
Daydream? an Angel from the skies!
Her words are soft voice dries
No! my dear friend! no more cry
Just close your eyes
And let the water take you high
Vanishes then; no goodbyes
Furious me! riding on empty roads
I heard strange voices
‘Hey man! Nice bike there’ one cries
I lift my head, see men in lorries
‘Cum’on peddle before your spirit dies’
Thinking me is it? but faking smiles
Push up, only to see your big eyes.